Thursday, January 06, 2011

I'm a member of A Certain Special Secret Automotive Assistance Exclusive Membership Program (Daily Photo 1.4.11)

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Had my car fixed, because as you know it shit the bed recently. I enjoy that phrase: "shit the bed." It conveys not only the idea that some fundamental process broke down, but the car was embarrassed by it.

So anyway, the car was stranded about an hour from my house in the office parking lot. Luckily, I happen to be a member of A Certain Secret Society For People Who Need Automobile Assistance. It's called AAA -- you've probably heard famous people mention it and wondered what it was. That's right: I'm one of them. It's pretty exclusive. You think just anybody can call up a 1-800 number and say, "I'm stuck in such-and-such-a-place, come get me"? Uh-uh, my friend. They hang up on your ass. But people like me, they say, "Yessir, right away sir," and within two hours or so my Special Membership Friends are on their way over with a tow truck.  Oh yes -- a tow truck. I don't even have to push my car to the mechanic like the rest of you people. They take it there for me. Perks!

Like I say, this treatment is strictly a members-only type deal, and to be a member that takes money. Gotta be flash with the cash, my friend. But once you're in, you're connected.  It's special this and special that. I don't know how the rest of you do it --  but my car gets stuck somewhere, I pick up a phone, boom -- it's taken care of. I know people.

White-glove car service is just the frosting on this cake. I have insider connections that can save me 10 dollars American on a 4-pack of movie tickets to Showcase Cinemas. I'm talking matinees, evening shows, Fridays, Saturdays, first weekends, the latest blockbusters -- covered. I've been at hotels across these United States where, when I check in, they ask with a kind of sly look if I'm in any Special Exclusive Membership Programs, and when I flash the card (they give you a card, by the way, I totally have a card that I carry around with me at all times) just like that they knock 10% off the bill. Just like that. You'd think I was some kind of big-shot, and you'd be correct, and also there's discounted appetizers and even entrees at select restaurants.

I don't know if I could get you in. It's kind of a big deal, and I know they like to keep it tight. I'd have to ask.

But if you need to be hooked up with a TripTik, let me know and I'll call in a few favors.

1 comment:

funderson said...

Oh my gosh...you ARE kind of a big deal! I knew it...

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