Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Stop me from tearing off the crown molding (Daily Photo 7.12.10)

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I've written before about the fuckwits who owned our house before us. The stupid shit they did to the house before we owned it continues to frustrate me. For instance, this is part of the crown molding along the ceiling of the bedroom. None of it is as it should be: one whole, unbroken piece of wood stretching from corner to corner. Instead, they installed crown molding in pieces, apparently using whatever scraps of it they found -- lying in gutters near the lumberyard or pulled from the fiery wrecks of other, classier homes, I presume.

This, pictured, especially has obsessed me Poe-narrator-like for all the years we've been living here: it's a 1-inch piece in the middle of a wall. One inch. It draws my attention and won't let go. Sometimes at night when I'm trying to fall asleep I look up and stare at it and wonder, "What in fuck's name were they thinking?" What were they thinking, these families who owned my house before me? Did they try to use two pieces for that wall, but mis-measured and came up 1 inch short? Did they not use a tape measure but thought, "Aaah, it's about yay long." But why would they install crown molding in two pieces in a room that's only 12-by-13 anyway? This isn't fucking Versailles -- the rooms aren't huge.

You don't know, can't know, the struggle within me to keep from tearing the crown molding off with my bare fingers and redoing it. The only reasons why I don't: (a) I don't want to spend the money right this second to buy more crown molding; (b) once I take the old stuff off, I'm sure I'll discover there's some horrible reason why it's like that, like those pieces are holding the whole wall together; (c) I've never cut or installed crown molding myself and I would screw it up, maybe not as badly as this but probably pretty badly, and I would become more frustrated and full of self-loathing because I can't ever do a DIY project without it reaching the brink of disaster first.

But fucking hell -- one day I will do it. I will tear that shit off, goddammit, and put fresh new crown molding on there in whole pieces from corner to corner. And I'll be one of exactly two people who's relieved by this.

1 comment:

funderson said...

oh yeah...that would drive me bat crap

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