Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Thunder from Down Under across the river

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For those who might be about to rock, I ask you: Is AC/DC secretly planning to bring its latest North American tour to Somerset? Because seriously, I'm starting to wonder.

These are the facts: A few weeks ago I hear that AC/DC is planning to drunkenly grope its way through North America on its Black Ice tour. So being a connoisseur of the cock-rock genre, I try to buy tickets online. I quickly realize that it will require a massive outlay of cash, on the order of $300 plus, just so I and my wife can perch in the rafters of Boston's FleetCenter straining through opera glasses to see, across a vast chasm of screaming, pot-stinking, mulleted humanity, what looks like a 50-something-year-old near-dwarf strip off a schoolboy outfit to Union Jack tighties, playing songs I already have on my iPod while my wife tries to occupy herself with a magazine. No, I didn't get the tickets.

Later, I get an email. It's from AC/DC. Not personally or whatever -- most likely AC/DC's fall semester intern. This is what the message says:

"On October 26 , AC/DC will roll into an East Coast town under the cover of night and rock a secret club show to get the tour started right and they want their biggest fans to be there with them, stomping feet, pumping fists and straining vocal chords with each beat of the drum. ... This contest is for members of the AC/DC Fan Club only."

I think no more of it -- East Coast is sort of a big place. It could be anywhere from Deer Island to Tallahassee. Then yesterday, I'm driving through Somerset and gas up the car near the Quality Inn and see this sign:

"Welcome ACDC"?

"Welcome ACDC"?

Could it be that AC/DC?

I've been going mental ever since. All the pieces fit. AC/DC said their secret concert would be on the East Coast. Somerset is on the East Coast. Wikipedia says Somerset's nickname is "Musictown." The stuff AC/DC plays could most likely be classified as music. So there's that.

Also, Somerset just got a Chili's a few years ago. Just went the other day. They have pretty good fries -- possibly good enough to travel from Australia for?

I've never been in the Quality Inn before -- frankly I have no fucking clue who the clientele is at any local hotel besides hookers and the odd traveling salesman -- but the place looks small from the outside. They do have a "hot breakfast buffet," but what other amenities does it have? Could it even hold an AC/DC concert? Where would they put the cannons? And the giant inflatable naked fat lady? Could its walls contain the sheer amount of testosterone at such an event? Or would they have to move it to the Venus?

What else could "Welcome ACDC" mean, except that Angus and the lads will be in Somerset? Possibly duck-walking into the Stop & Shop for a last-minute Fiji Water before they tear the Quality Inn lounge to shreds?

I'm dying to know, but I'm afraid to call the Quality Inn and ask what's up. I may try a secret coded message -- like, "I'd like to inquire if Rosie is available for the 26th," or maybe, "I'd like a room on the upper-most floor. Is it a long way to the top?" They probably wouldn't tell me anyway. I'm sure AC/DC has sworn to secrecy the manager, front desk personnel, and the cat who sticks the magnetic letters on the sign outside.

Are you AC/DC's fall semester intern? Do you know him/her? Get in touch. Let me know what's going on, and I swear I won't blow your cover. I just want to make sure that if I show up outside the Quality Inn on the 26th in my AC/DC T-shirt, schoolboy blazer, and shortpants, I won't look like a moron.

6 comments:

Nicole Brink said...

Dan,

Could it be the Asian Community Development Corporation (Boston, MA)? Or possibly el Accio Ciutadana de Catalunya (Citizen Action of Catalonia; Spanish Catalan Party)?

Sorry for the skepticism, I hope its the band for your sake!

Nicole (aka: Running Bébé)
http://runningbebe.com

Lybbe said...

Let's be rational about this. If the concert is to be on the 26th - my guess is that 'Welcome ACDC' is probably for an electrician's conference. I'd be tempted to stalk the place anyway.

For the record - Angus is 53, but Bryan is 61.

Ashley said...

I stumbled upon your blog the other day. It's delightful! Nearly everything you've written has me in stitches.

Confession: I'm not an AC/DC fan, but I did meet a creepy guy online when I was 16. This is relevant because he was a security guard at Mohegan Sun and I winded up seeing them for free. While that experience was decidedly not worth the drive, I completely support your Quality Inn investigation.

Also, I noticed you mentioned Ploughshares in that little thingy on the side. My former creative writing teacher, bless her, could often be found prancing around the room, yelling at all of us to submit our best work.

Just thought I'd share.
Oh, and if you could maybe never stop writing here, that would be great. :p

Dan said...

Nicole: It could also be the Asociación de Consumidores de Derivados del Cannabis?

Lybbe: I haven't been back yet to see if the ACDC sign is still up. May swing by there this week.

Ashley: Thanks! Very nice of you to say, and I'll keep writing. As for Ploughshares, good luck -- probably one of the toughest mags to break into, as much of the content is hand-picked by the guest ed. X(

ACDCTourNews.com said...

I have always been a big AC/DC fan. Their music is really good. I can't wait to see them live in concert again for their present tour! You can find out more at the web site www.ACDCTourNews.com

HiQKid (Alex) said...

"Nicole: It could also be the Asociación de Consumidores de Derivados del Cannabis?"

Took me a minute to get that one.

Anyhow, they could also be saying that they have electrical power available in both the alternating and direct styles?

Nah, that's too boring.

Perhaps they are advertising the fact that not only are hookers welcome, they also welcome bisexual hookers?

I recall a story about the bands early days. They were in a cab having a discussion, and the cab driver gave them an odd look.

This was shortly after they chose the name... and they weren't aware of some alternate meanings of the term.

Anyhow, this has been a rather odd diversion. Really ought to sleep now.

Keep up the good work!

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