Saturday, March 15, 2008

If by some chance you ever see me wearing a Mickey Mouse hoodie, please do me the courtesy of kicking my ass

Like it? 
Promise me you'll put me down like a lame horse. Use whatever means you feel are necessary to accomplish this. Dropkicks, lengths of pipe, sand in the eyes -- whatever. Just put me down on the ground, and put me there to stay. Because something horrifying has happened to me if I'm wearing a Mickey Mouse hoodie, something terrible that can never be reversed. Then when I'm moaning and squirming around in the dirt, rip this Mickey Mouse hoodie off my back and show it to me. Shake it in my face, shouting, "For God's sake, man! You were wearing this! Look at it! Just look at it!"

If I manage to roll over and gurgle that I thought it was OK because it's a Mickey "with attitude," remind me that that only makes it worse.

Don't hold back. It won't be me in that Mickey Mouse hoodie. It'll be someone else -- someone who deserves a royal ass-kicking. And deep inside my shirtless, broken body, the man I once was -- the man I was before I thought it was a good idea to pay $34.50 for a Mickey Mouse hoodie and wear it proudly in public -- that man will be grateful.

7 comments:

Kelly Kirch said...

LOL!! Tell me how you really feel.

Kelly Kirch said...

Let's try that again before the title ate my words...


LOL!! Tell me how you really feel.

New England Bites said...

I'll tell you. I hate the "character" t-shirts, hoodies, sweatshirts, jackets, and the like. You know what's especially terrible? Seeing them on overweight girls. Now, I'm overweight, but I would NEVER wear a character t-shirt. I just don't think that it does anything for a larger body by having Eeyore spread across the stomach. NOT FLATTERING.

I think they should stay within the child/tween (I hate the word "tween") age group.

Kelly Kirch said...

Nah, my tween is beyond them too.

Gordon said...

Man. I love Disney. But that hoodie really is sad. You wore that? And you call yourself the Black Fonzie?

Dan said...

I never actually wore the hoodie -- just saw it while online looking for something else, along with a lot of other Disney stuff meant for "hip" young adults and which will never, ever be worn by actual hip young adults.

reignboblu said...

Ah, Aaron and I have recently instituted a PID* policy for guys who walk around Fall River with their hoods up on nice days. Disney characters only amplify the beatings.


It has become a pretty fun game when stuck in traffic.


*PID = punch in the dick.

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