Monday, August 28, 2006

Deleted scene: "The Rules"

Like it? 
The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is: You DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

That is not a slipup, folks. The second rule is the same thing as the first one. So let that be a gauge of the gravity of this situation or whatever, that I have to repeat myself regarding this rule. Rules. Plural.

Right.

Looking at it from your point of view, I can see how this could cause some small amount of confusion. Not a mistake, though. There's the first rule, and then the second repeated rule is the exact same thing. It hammers it home. It lets you know we are not fucking around here.

I guess not exact same thing. The second rule gets stressed more. As I said. Again, that's to remind you: serious shit. This all makes a lot more sense if you just say the first two rules aloud to yourself. You don't do that, it's like, "Huh?" Or: "Wait a sec, isn't that just the same rule as the first one?" Like, "Did he mean to do that?" It does make sense, though. Keep in mind: gravity of this situation, no fucking around.

I did strongly consider making a two-rule combo, so I'd have just one longer first rule. So it would be like, "The first and the second rules of Fight Club are: You DO NOT talk about Fight Club." But repeat it to yourself, get the flavor of it. Sounds crappy, right? You tend not to hear the "and second" part. Or you just don't weigh the gravity of the situation, and you need to do that. We are not fucking around here. Unless you put the stress in there, like, "The first--AND ALSO THE SECOND RULE--" and continue from there. Or, I don't know. I thought about making the second rule sort of a corollary to the first rule. So Rule 1 would be don't talk about Fight Club, and then Rule 1(a) would be, seriously-no-fucking-around, hammering-it-home, don't talk about Fight Club.

You. Please don't write this down. Please? Or so help me I will hit you in the face, even before we technically get started. Hit you right in the face. Essentially, writing things down about Fight Club is pretty much the same thing as talking about it. Actually, it's even worse, because it's talking about it on paper, which means a record of the Fight Club, which is not good. Seriously, dude. Not. Good.

No, there's no need to apologize too much, because I technically haven't finished with the whole rules explanation yet so they're not technically in force until I do. I'm just saying.

So anyway, let's just...yeah.

The third rule of Fight Club is: Everyone must take a slot on the men's room cleanup sign-in sheet.

The fourth rule of Fight Club is: Everyone MUST take a slot on the men's room cleanup sign-in sheet.

It's for everyone's benefit. Nobody wants to do it. I don't want to do it. But it does get nasty in there, with the vomit and from general use, and nobody likes to use a dirty men's room. I mean, we do it, I've done it, kind of scootching around the messes, pretending they're not there, but come on. Let's everybody be reasonable and pitch in, and we'll all enjoy ourselves a lot more.

The fifth rule of Fight Club is: There ARE no rules.

Again, I understand this could seem confusing, but it really isn't.

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